The End of Everything or the Beginning (an odd blog post tale)

The following post accrued 18,362 +1s on Blogger. Umm...where, why how? and if so why didn't I get more views. hmm...odd. But I thought I'd share that post with you. It's from March 22 of this year. Also...how does the +1 thing even work? I mean really...totally confusing!


I've lost my creativity.

I can't find it anywhere.

Which is partly why I have this blog, to rediscover it.

But more importantly, to rediscover me. Because you know what I've realized?

I don't love myself.

I like me, I like lots of things about me. I just don't love me.

"You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'"--George Bernard Shaw

I've stopped asking 'why not'. It's almost as if I've stopped dreaming. I still see things, I still notice things, lights, colors, sounds, but I just don't create anymore. And a part of me is seems to be missing. 

Yeah, it's like that.

I'm kind of getting off topic. Let's see, mention loss of creativity mojo-ness, check; mention lack of love for myself, check.

What brought on this idea that I don't love myself? A guy. Well, more specifically my mom asking me how could really any guy love me if I don't even love me. And she's right!! I mean, think about it. If I don't love myself as I am right now, then if I was in a relationship with a guy, my self-worth would be dependent upon him. I'd be so worried about him leaving, about trying to get him to stay that I wouldn't be able to actually focus on the relationship. And if he did break up with me? I don't know what I'd do.

So that's what I have to do. Take baby steps as I rediscover myself. Let myself breathe, and slowly remember what really creating is again. 

I realize that I've slightly rambled, perhaps in a most unorganized manner. 

How does this all connect? It connects because I'm a creative person. Because I'm a creative person, I like to create. Right now, I'm lacking in the creativity department. Partly because I just don't feel creative because I don't let myself enjoy the creating. I'm so determined to stand out, to be noticed, to be the best, that I've forgotten why I loved to create in the first place. I haven't seen that girl who loved to write stories and color whatever she wanted in a long time. 

And so here I am. Starting a journey to revive that creative girl, to remember who she was and what she stood for. 

Well, here goes nothing.