I promise I'm not abandoning you. I've just been busy doing things and by the time I get back, it's super late and I'm tired.
Yeah maybe if I planned it better, I'd write them earlier in the day. Well, girls, I'm still learning.
Tomorrow we leave on a family vacation. Can you say Disney World?
Congrats. We're not going there. No, we're going to San Diego instead. Beachtime, fun time, all sorts of good times.
What I'm excited for is the chance to see places. To see scenery. As a writer and as a fabulously awesome creative person, I need that. Believe me, my camera will be full of reference shots when I get home.
So good night and I'll probably write to you once more before I leave.
All this weekend I work. But that's okay. In just a few days I'll leave on vacation. It's going to be fantastic. Me and the family, doing things I haven't done since I was a child.
Also this post is going to be short because I said so. I'm the mom so there. AND I'm not feeling too well so I need to go to bed. Don't want to miss out on the vacation because I'm sick.
With this whole friendship business/mess (see yesterday's post), I need to get away.
Clear my head, breathe fresh air.
Run on the beach, that kind of thing.
The friendship that I was talking about yesterday, I got too clingy.
Which is not my thing and yet it is.
So I thought a little bit today why I do it.
And I think it's because I want it to be here (lifts hand up) and I don't know if it's there or not.
So I try to spend time with the friend to get a read on it...
I liked him too much. That was the problem.
Well, yes and no.
I hung out with another friend today. He was working on essays for med school applications and I was writing a new scene for my book (yes, girls, Mom's a writer...unpublished but still)
He was listening to Rachmaninoff and I was listening to movie soundtracks.
It was one of the most relaxing "hangouts" I've ever had.
I wondered why that was. Why I was so comfortable, not needing to talk, just enjoying writing and the company.
Girls, this is something that I'm still trying to figure out...but it'll provide good material for you.
I know, I know, I missed a day.
So girls, I guess you noticed the title of today's post. To be fair, the friendship that inspired this post hasn't ended yet, but it will. I'm pretty sure it will. I also hope it won't but life doesn't always work out that way. I'm not going to talk about that friendship but more my reactions to the idea of it ending.
I worked hard on that friendship, I invested time and energy into that relationship. I thought it was going to continue. But I don't think it will.
I'm fine with acquaintances moving on from each other (I swear there is a much better way to describe that but I can't think of it) but not friends. I'm the type of person who has a lot of acquaintances and few friends.
Jocelyn's definition of Acquaintance: A person whom I can converse with, hang out with but not all the time, lots of fun but not someone I invest too much into spending time with.
Jocelyn's definition of Friend: A person whom I can trust, I confide in, hang out with, joke around and tease with. Time and energy have been spent on this person, there is something in this person that I wish to hang on to. If that's confusing, don't worry. I'm confused too. It's hard to write it out. I'm still working on that.
I'm the type of person who when I've invested time and find out that the time was misspent, I feel terrible. I blame myself (not completely, obviously there was another person involved) and I feel dumb for not recognizing that they didn't feel the same sooner.
Grandma's been trying to explain to me that the pain that I've been feeling over the anticipation of this ending friendship (after telling me that I'm overthinking and overdramatizing--yeah I'm making those 2 actual words-everything) is a natural part of life. I'm trying to believe her and to also believe that the pain I'm feeling means that my heart is still working. Sometimes I wonder if it is or not (not literally). Grandma then proceeded to tell me that I am an outgoing person so I'll make new friends soon. Gosh, that makes me feel like I'm back in junior high...yet still applies today.
Girls, if I can offer one piece of advice right now:
Make friends.
It'll hurt but the hurt shows that you are alive and the hurt makes the good times all the more pleasant.
Don't hidebehind walls for protection.
Believe me, Mom knows what walls are like.
All too well.
Reach out, let others know that you care and the ones that reciprocate will come to you.
Life involves people and we can't get along without someone to help us on our way.
Though to be honest, I'm going to be missing a day or so next week. All day traveling, little to no access to my computer.
Right now I'm sitting in the library. I should have been working on my book (the one I'm writing) but instead I have a stack of LDS fiction next to me, my iPod playing and different articles and pages pulled up online.
I have this song playing right now and to be honest, I want to be dancing to it. Kind of a mix of ballet/contemporary. I love to dance. Dancing provides a release that I can't find in most types of exercise. On a side note, remember how I was going to do yoga everyday? Yeah...that didn't happen. Though who knows, I still have time today.
Back to dance. I loved dance but I didn't always like to practice. I also didn't like how I looked in the mirror compared to the other girls. I couldn't move like they could, I couldn't bend like they could. Maybe...but wishing for what was doesn't help anyone.
I was re-reading the articles, namely this one, this one and that one, that I mentioned yesterday. And doing some thinking of my own. I have come to the conclusion that I am an independent soul. Let me try to explain.
*deep breath, soap box time*
I don't want or need to be around people all the time. Most of the time, but not all the time. Like our family. I love them with all my little heart and I love spending time with them. I'm so grateful that I get to call them my forever family. I couldn't have asked for a better one. But I'm my own person and I need to find my own way. That being said, I know that they are there when I need help, when I stumble and fall (which I tend to do a lot) and when I need a shoulder to cry on. And they know (or I hope they know) that they can reach out to me for help and comfort.
I was thinking of this terms of a future husband aka your dad. A friend had brought up once that he wanted a girl who was super-independent, super-driven, etc., who would understand that he wasn't always going to be around. That's given me a lot to think about. From the way he described his future girl, he's looking more for a live-in assistant than a wife. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with being driven, independent, the whole nine yards. Absolutely nothing wrong. But in my oh-so-professional-opinion, I think he needs to slightly change what he's looking for.
Take me. I'm independent. I like being able to do my thing, to have some sort of control over my life. I always have, even if its not to the extreme that some girls seem to take it. I don't know how independent I am, I'm just me. I don't always hang out with people because I need "me time" and because it's important.
I'm driven. When I went to work for Disney, I wanted to have fun. I'm not going to lie about that. Um excuse me, but free pass to 4 Disney Parks?! Yeah. Sign me up. I also wanted to do networking while I was there. I've learned enough from Grandpa to know that networking helps open doors. So I networked. And I made contacts. I keep in touch with those contacts. Also being back here at school, I've met with advisors, counselors and emailed professors to find out options to get to where I want to go. I know where I want to go and I'm trying to make it happen.
But I want to know that my husband is going to be there for me. That he'll have my back, that if I fall, he'll help pick me up after first sitting next to me and taking some of the pain away. To know I have his support as I try to reach for the stars and that he trusts that I'll always be there for him.
I think if I could have that and that I could do the same for him, well, that would be a pretty darn good marriage in my opinion.
*steps off soap box*
Oh and here's one of my new favorite songs. Yeah, we don't judge. Just acknowledge and accept it.
NOTE: THIS WAS TOTALLY BEING WORKED ON THE 20TH. IT COUNTS!
Plus I figure I'll still write one for the 21st.
The actual post:
Girls, you know that feeling that comes from being into a guy and trying to hang out with him and looking like you're desperate to spend time with him?
Don't know it yet? Well you can wait. Mom knows ALL about it and she can tell you about it RIGHT NOW.
It all started with a movie. The Muppets to be precise. He (for the sake of the story, we shall name him Gary-after the Jason Segal character in the movie), so Gary and I were going to watch the movie tonight. That never happened. Honestly it's okay that it didn't. I mean, I'm slightly disappointed because it's a great movie and I wanted to see his reaction. Gary's never seen the movie, you know. But we ended up talking to 2 different sets of people at 2 different times of night. Totally worth it. Especially that 2nd conversation. It was funny, witty and Gary was so entertaining.
We went back to his apartment and his roommate was working on homework in the living room. Because his room-roommate was having a private conversation. Then I half-tried to guilt Gary into watching the movie. Part of the problem is that the copy that I had was a Blu-ray copy. Not the greatest of copies when one doesn't have many blu-ray players to use. At one point his roommate said "he's trying to hang with the guys" (by this point there were 3 other guys in the room). So I left. I left kicking myself in the foot for acting so desperate.
I'm not desperate. I'm not. Am I single? Yes. Do I like hanging out with Gary? Yes I do. But I am NOT the type of girl who just has to spend time with a guy every day. Besides I'd already hung out with him for a few hours. I should have just left so maybe that was my brief moment of desperation. I'm wiping it off and not going to worry about it anymore. If I was really desperate to spend time with him, I'd be going over a whole heck of a lot more. But I have a life of my own to live. It's as simple as that.
They went out to the car and Jocelyn-being the witty, clever, slightly bratty self that she is-looked into the car and said "I'm impressed by your driving skills." They got into the car, Jocelyn got shot gun (because she's cool like that or because she walked faster than the other girls or because she wanted to make sure she got the front or because she knows him better than the other 2 know him) and she asked where he had ended up going. He said they didn't need to talk about that. Then one of the girls started bringing up what had happened to us on the way to the party. Jocelyn said that they didn't need to talk about that either, he said that they did so Jocelyn said only if he told them where he had gone. He told them that he "may or may not have" gone to a complex only a street over from their apartments. Obviously he had questioned why they would need a ride home since it was so close. Jocelyn then said that she "may or may not have" led the girls down a slightly sketchy path. They all drove home, the 2 in the back talking, the 2 in the front talking and he dropped them off safe and sound, the hero that he was.
That, my girls, is the story. Wasn't it delightful? I thought so. Now for things that actually happened today.
I nearly passed out on a bike ride. Am I okay? Yeah, totally. Did I actually pass out/black out/faint? Nope. Never have, still hoping my streak continues.
I actually got some writing done today.
Yay Jocelyn!!
I also did A LOT of reading.
If you look to the right and go down a little bit, you'll see a new section called "OTHER FUN READS"
The top one (or it should be the top one) is for a blog written by Seth Adam Smith. Now this guy is great. I'm absolutely a fan and I wish my writing skills were more like his. He really knows how to grab hold of readers. But I spent a good deal of time today reading his blog posts. No, I didn't read all of them.
But I did read a good number of them.
I love his posts on relationships. Being the currently single self that I am, I enjoy reading that kind of stuff.
(stuff: I think this might be why I'm not as good of a writer as he is. Must improve vocabulary)
One of reasons I like Seth's writing is because he voices the opinions that I can't seem to find the words for. And I've had conversations that have touched up on things he's written about and it helps me find the words for my thoughts.
I realize that I never seem to complete my thoughts even now. Well then it's a good thing I'm not as popular as Seth because I'd lose those readers anyway. So consider this the end of today's post.
Once upon a time in a land who knows how close to your own, your mother, the beautiful Jocelyn led some friends down the wrong path. It was unintentional but happened nonetheless. They were on their way to a party and ended up going almost a mile farther than they should have. 'Twas down a sketchy path even but it was an adventurous one. They made it to the party at last and because it was dark, Jocelyn decided she would call for a ride home. So she called a friend, told him he would get to be a hero and he made fun of her (not quite so soon after the hero remark). Minutes later he called to say he was there. After they tried to figure out where "there" was (neither knew the apartment complex very well), he realized that he was in the wrong complex. Several more minutes passed by and he arrived to the right complex.
What can we learn from this?
Girls, your mother doesn't drive very much right now. So she isn't the greatest with directions.
Also this story is only half complete, actually more like 75-85% complete. But it's super late so I have to run.
So yeah, totally forgot about this today. I've just been doing stuff. LIKE:
a double shift at work. Can I say "Pay day!" yes
2-possibly 3 hour nap. Gloriousness and with a weird dream thrown in the mix. Also I fell asleep to While You Were Sleeping.
Little Caesars run with my roommate Katelynn. Then we spent about an hour and a half (or so) at our friend Amanda's place. Just chillin', chattin', eatin', you know, the life.
Then I relaxed and was looking at different Disneyland stuff (it is Disneyland's birthday and all)
OH and in honor of Disneyland's birthday (and because I plan to be working there NEXT YEAR, here's a video:
Did you think this post was going to be sentimental? Probably should be BUT it won't. Oh well...
I just can't stop, can I? I constantly try to put my thoughts, my opinions on others. Did I say put? I meant force. Yes, I'll explain this more tomorrow.
Today was a day. That's all I can really call it because I can't really call it anything else. It was both good and bad, with good memories, great memories and for-goodness-sake-why-did-those-things-happen memories.
I went to Grandpa today to ask for a father's blessing. It's nice having him on campus and so close to where I live now. Girls, that truly is a blessing in and of itself.
Part of why I asked him is that I am just not that nice of a person. Sure I'm "nice" but I'm not that nice. I don't have much charity for people I don't want to be friends with and I've never prayed to have an increase of charity.
I don't want that anymore. I want people to feel that I'm pleasant to be around, that I care about them even if we're not good/great/best friends. I'm talking about the kind of person that is good. Just all around good. Good and kind, with minimal to no judging of others (ha good luck with that!), who's always reaching a hand out to others if they need one.
That, my dear little ones, that is part of who I want to become. That is one aspect of the person I want to be. And I'm nowhere near that yet. Dear me, I'm far, far away from that.
I believe that everyone has a mirror, a personal mirror. This is the mirror that shows all of oneself (here comes the awkward third-person/2nd person/occasionally me point of view), the good, the bad, the ugly, the fabulous. Yes, this mirror-like so many other mirrors-can get dirty, can get dusty, can get broken.
Well right now my mirror is tarnished, chipped, cracked and very very dusty. There might also be a mud stain from the last time I played outside. Sometimes I can't see my reflection clearly and I get obscure and retched versions of myself.
So that's what I'm trying to work on. Who knew cleaning a mirror would be so hard? I'm reading up charity, I'm trying to find pieces to replace the cracked ones and it's going to take time. A lot of time. But apparently patience is what I'm also supposed to learn so....joy. We'll chat more about this at a later date.
I was going to say "here goes nothing" but it didn't fit with the previous sentence. I give up. Goodnight.
I promise I'm not being lazy or rude...I just didn't get that much sleep last night and for some reason it wasn't very restful sleep. So it's off to bed for me right now. I blame the Pirates movie for last night's experience. I dreamt that I was a pirate, my ship was practically sunk, I was stepping on floating planks of wood, my crew was gone save 4 people, 2 were taken away (I assume to die) and the other 2 remained. There was also a Davy Jones/Blackbeard hybrid involved and I was really stressing out about not falling into the water. Probably because I may or may not have discussed Jaws prior to watching the movie.
What happened to dreams about unicorns and cotton candy and pleasant things?
My only excuse is that I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides as part of my weekly Sunday movie nights.
*oh for goodness sakes, of course it's weekly, that's silly
Haven't seen that movie in a while so it was fun to revisit it. Not my favorite but it's a decent movie. I think next week we're supposed to watch The Muppets. Now that should be fun.
I'd write more but I have work at 6 am. Gotta fly.
Yesterday's post was...well...let's just say I haven't looked at it since it was posted.
I will honestly admit, girls, that I posted it only so that I would have something posted for yesterday.
I like having July's numbers so far matching the current date.
Not that it's going to last. I'm going on vacation with the family at the end of the month. At that time there will be undoubtedly some days without posts. Traveling days and the like.
I entered into a tournament today. And lost already.
That tournament? Project M (aka Super Smash Brothers)
I am no video gamer.
I am okay with that.
Tomorrow? Tomorrow is Sunday. I'm quite excited for it. It should be peaceful and relaxing.
Oh! The retreat!
The retreat was fun.
It was a gorgeous cabin, stunning (absolutely stunning) views and there was an abandoned cabin up the hill that I checked out with some friends.
Yes, I know it was abandoned, the broken windows revealed all.
I didn't end up spending the night but I did end up sleeping until 12 today. Partly because I didn't get home until 3 in the morning and didn't go to bed until almost 4.
That is my life. That life must end. Goodness...I can't do that, it hurts too much.
It felt like a hangover without all the alcohol*.
*I don't drink, never have, never will. Girls, neither will you.
Surprise surprise, it's much earlier in the day than I usually post. But I'm going on an overnight retreat so right now, this is it. This is all your getting.
Besides the fact that I slept in until 11, I actually got a lot done. Made lunch, got some really good writing done, organized and uploaded work on to my art page and even caught up on a TV episode or 2.
All in all a very good day.
Last night I sat on my front porch until 1:30 in the morning, so about an hour and a half.
I just had things I needed to think through and sitting out there, a small blanket wrapped around me, my iPod playing music, feeling the breeze, it all reminded me of when I was a kid and I would get sick with croup or some other such nonsense. He would wrap me up, take me outside and sit me on his lap and tell me stories while I got fresh air.
I really needed another moment like that.
Were there tears shed? Yes, definitely yes.
Do I feel better? Yes, definitely yes.
And it was great for another reason.
I was creating shapes with clouds for research for a story idea.
I saw a mermaid looking up at a girl, a pirate ship, Mufasa, a palm tree/beach scene, the Nautilus (20,000 leagues under the sea) and a bunch of other shapes that I just can't seem to remember. Or maybe there weren't any others, I don't know.
It was peaceful. I had relaxing(ish) music playing, a light/warm blanket around me and I was right by the front door so I could go in at anytime. I nearly fell asleep a few times but don't worry girls, I woke up this morning in my own bed consciously remember that it was I who walked myself to my bed and locked the door behind me.
I may have to do it again sometime. It was a peaceful blessing for me. I may have discovered a good weekend activity for rejuvenation.
I needed that video. Found it last night right after I posted yesterday. I'm a sucker for (good) jingles and old commercials and this one's great. Not that I drink coffee (against my religion) but I love that jingle.
Today was a rough day. My roommate and I had a heart-to-heart about friendships and what makes a good friendship. It was just what I needed to hear and it'll get me through until Sunday.
But that will hold for another day.
Tomorrow I have the day off and what am I going to do with it?
Write.
I'm so excited, so terribly thrilled. I've thought it all out. I'm going to work on my book, work on a fan-fic series, work on some short story projects (outlines and such), catch up on some non-fiction reading (but still creative reading) and listen to music while doing so. It's going to be relaxing because it'll purely be for me. Well not quite, but it'll just be me and my words and anything I get done will be a good thing.
Today has been such a productive day! I got so much writing done, both the actual writing and uploading a new section on a fan fiction that I'm writing.
Did I struggle?
Yes.
But I got legit creative writing done. My writing group will be so proud of me!!
Having Spotify playing in my ears really helps. I've gone through several different movie soundtracks, Broadway tracks, a few other favorite songs, it's been great.
I think I was sitting outside for about 3 hours. Way to go me! Was it all writing, no, no it wasn't. But a great deal (85-95%) was writing.
Now to switch over to the topic that I seem to have been focused on lately. I haven't been a very good friend lately. I've been pushy, bossy, demanding...not traits that are desirable in friends. He is a much better friend to me than I am to him. He never gets mad at me. Ever.
What a nice friend. Probably shouldn't screw it up.
Back to me.
It felt so good to write, to go back into the world of fiction and fantasy and create things, writing down scenes in my head.
I felt productive, I felt rejuvenated, I felt creative.
I'm not sure what to write about today. Now I'm feeling very deja vu-ish about the whole thing. Bring on the Napoleon Dynamite dance track.
I'm missing my sunglasses. My nice ones. I can't find them and I thought they were in my friend's car. But he says he hasn't seen them. Drat. Back to the drawing board.
He didn't do my challenge. Not that I'm surprised but I feel conflicted. I'm not trying to change him, not at all. His driven personality is a great thing. I merely want to add to that. If he just took time out of his day (it really doesn't have to be every day) to just be at peace with himself, I feel like it would help him so much. I've been where he's at. I think it could work.
He's also being super stubborn. Am I wrong to help?
Girls, being friends is hard. Having friends is hard. It's worth it in the end though, as the few friendships that I've maintained and kept have proven.
I meant to write one earlier but I ended up watching 2 different versions of Beauty and the Beast. Both were kind of cheesy (one had a terrible script and sub-par acting), the other was one that reminded me of my childhood (aka I've been watching that version since I was 4 or 5).
I came to a decision on the guy front. Right now, I'm really just trying to be friends with guys. Do I complain about not dating or not having guys interested in me? Yeah, totally. As I mentioned to my car friend from earlier this week, it's easier to focus/complain about guys than to focus on everything else in my life. He kind of agreed with me about that.
At the same time there is a guy that I like. I mean, I really like this guy. But right now, it is better for me to be his friend than try for anything more. I feel it's the right step for now. Will anything happen in the future? I don't know. Do I want anything to happen? Maybe. Yes, I do like this guy. Who knows though, it might turn out that we are better as friends than anything more. On this day, at this moment in time, I feel like working on our friendship and just being his friend, not pressuring for anything more, is the best possible decision.
It's not like I'm ready to be in a relationship anyway! And I think that's partly why I'm okay with the whole "being friends" thing. I may or may not have said it before but in the past if I liked a guy, I'd go straight for the flirting. Then it would get awkward (kind of like Greg's explanation starting at 6:30) and I'd run for the hills. No, I've never been in a relationship. But looking back, it's been a good thing. None of the guys I was ever interested were really right for me, even some that it would have been terrible to date. Not that they were terrible guys but we just didn't have anything in common, and there was even one guy who didn't treat me like a friend! Yeah, saved me from that bullet. (is that the phrase?)
So now, I'm just focusing on actually being friends with guys. Actually getting to know them. Do I focus a little too much on the guy that I like? Yeah, maybe a little. But anything that I've done to/for/around him, it was only things that I would do for any friend or would want done to/for/around me. Like teasing/making fun. We make fun of each other all the time. I may or may not have mentioned that (I can't keep track, this is one of the negative downsides of my superpower. I remember what others have told me, not always what I've told others) but we tease and make fun and have both said that it's easy to do so to the other.
Yeah, nothing I've done around him has been something that I wouldn't do around someone else. Okay maybe not around a boss. I can be professional, you know.
On a completely unrelated side note: remember when I said this would be a short one? Guess I lied...sort of.
But I am soproud of how I'm acting with him. And it's easy. That's the weirdest part. It's actually easy to be friends with him. Course, he also lets me have my way far too much.
However since I went on a 12-13 mile bike ride today, I'm content with my workout procedures.
And as tomorrow is Sunday, I'll be taking tomorrow off from yoga as well. But I still exercised today so again, content.
This post won't be super long as you can guess by the time stamp.
Instead of length, I'll post something I'm thankful for:
Air Conditioning.
It is hot. Like Heat Miser hot.
Yes. Exactly.
So we finally turned on the A/C and life feels great.
Plus I stuck my top sheet in a plastic bag and stuck that in the freezer. It should be ready to take out in just a few minutes.
We do what we must to survive. Oh yeah, sorry, rambling. I'm very grateful to live in a country where there is such thing as A/C. Very. Grateful. So grateful in fact that I'm relishing this and speaking sweet nothings to the machine. Not really but you get the jist.
Tomorrow is Fast Sunday so I should have something more for you then. Then again...maybe not.
“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable it is, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate YOU. Keep the channel open.” Martha Graham
I found this quote yesterday and thought it was perfect. That "expression" mentioned, that is something I've struggled with for a long time. I have deep insecurities that keep me from owning my expression. I compare it to others and I lack trust in others' abilities to accept and enjoy my expression as it is.
*soap box time*
So on this, Independence Day, I'm claiming independence. Independence from myself, from the insecurities that I hide behind. Independence from a past that I cling to in order to justify not enjoying the now. Independence from the bad habits that I've developed, the embarrassing moments, the fears, the dreads, the bad choice in clothing, all of it. I've never been one for making New Year's resolutions. I always break them by March anyhow. But I don't hear about many resolutions made on Independence Day.
First step to this Independence thing: Yoga. Yes. I may be training for a triathlon, I may love playing sports (I may be terrible at playing sports), but I'd like to try my hand at yoga. I feel like it could be a good thing for me. Plus I found a yoga site with videos for free. Yeah, you read that right. Free. Like America.
Oh gosh...
Now to end soap box time, please enjoy one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies: Independence Day
appropriate right?
Then enjoy another bit of 4th of July glory with Martina McBride.
Right now I'm sitting outside my apartment, computer on my lap, music playing through my earbuds, working on my writing.
I may or may not have also watched a few videos on facebook.
There's a nice breeze(ish) and a light over my head to keep my writing steadily (or at least as long as my battery lasts)
It's been a while since I got some good writing in. I mean legit writing. Except what I'm doing isn't exactly "legit writing". I'm writing this (technically legitimate writing) and I'm typing up some rewrites for a book I'm writing.
I'm content.
My bestest friend is doing a writing internship, writing articles and the like. She's doing a fabulous job of it. She's said that she could do that forever.
I'd like to be able to say the same thing. Not about article writing. I don't think I quite fit that lifestyle. I've tried it (a very long story, actually a short one but one that I shan't share now) and it didn't quite work out. I would like to write stories.
I know I've said this before but I'll say it again. I'm grateful for this blog. It allows me to write every day even if it's not the creative writing that I so thoroughly enjoy.
I know I talked yesterday about being a laid-back soul from Cali. And that is true. That is also why I like the idea of writing.
Imagine with me:
A house somewhere in San Diego (not a beach house, for while I love the beach and the ocean, I don't want the clutter of people who go to the beach. I'd rather drive and park and live away from the beach. Not too far, but just far enough). My husband's off working (doing who knows what) and the kids are in school. Yeah I got laundry running, the house looks decent and I'm sitting in either the kitchen or the home office writing. Music or a movie that I've seen a million times playing in the background. Or I could go to the library (university or public), an internet cafe, somewhere, working on my laptop. There could be days to explore tourist traps and hidden treasures on the hunt for inspiring ideas. If I take the day off of writing, that's okay because I use life in my writing so basically I'm working all the time whether it feels like work or not. (I enjoy working without the feeling of working. I get more done and I have a much better attitude)
That, my dear young ones, is what I call a great job. Yep. Ideal for the likes of me.
Note: I am no longer outside. A moth kept fluttering around me. There should be a memo sent universally to bugs everywhere: Stay away from my face. It's not that I don't like bugs. I think they're cool and as long as they're not attacking me, I'm all for viewing them in the wild or behind a glass wall. Once they get into my personal bubble uninvited, it's on.
I should probably get back to the other writing, so g'night.
Last night I had a long chat with a friend, one of those chats that only work on drives.
Actually that's not true but they are much better on drives.
At one point we started talking about "living".
But to understand living, let me backtrack.
San Diego
You are pleasantly laid-back and you seem to have #SoCal blood in you. San Diego is your lovely home.
That was the result from one of those quizzes that have been floating around online. Yes, they are silly and yes, I still take those quizzes. We don't judge, we just acknowledge and accept.
The point is: I'm pretty laid-back, yeah, I still get my back up sometimes, but I'm pretty chill.
So back to my car chat.
My friend, well, my friend is very driven. Very driven.
I am less so.
So in that aspect, we are complete opposites.
Don't get me wrong, girls, I know how to work, I have goals, plans, I'm figuring out where I'm going and how to get there.
I also know how to "stop and smell the roses" (which makes me think of the travel gnome).
So that's what we talked about.
I gave him a challenge to take some time every day and do something for himself that wasn't demanded of him or that could be used in some competitive way.
On the plus side, here's some more things I'm thankful for.
Work. I'm grateful to have a job. Besides the fact that it brings me money, I feel like I'm being productive. I'm doing something, I'm working. Feels good, y'know? Actually so here's the thing. I work on campus. For the past 2 years (minus the time in Florida), I've only been worked in one area of my job. But now I'm moving to a new area. I'm actually really excited. It means that I can work mornings and keep my lead position/pay (oh yeah, you read that right. Lead. As in I'm awesome). I'm really grateful for that. For the past 2 years I've been working during the middle of the day which has always been fine but this coming fall it was going to be a problem. Now it won't be.
So that's why I'm grateful for. Also this song:
Here's to me making the full month posting every day...well, at least I'm optimistic.
