When Friendships end

I know, I know, I missed a day. 

So girls, I guess you noticed the title of today's post. To be fair, the friendship that inspired this post hasn't ended yet, but it will. I'm pretty sure it will. I also hope it won't but life doesn't always work out that way. I'm not going to talk about that friendship but more my reactions to the idea of it ending.

I worked hard on that friendship, I invested time and energy into that relationship. I thought it was going to continue. But I don't think it will.

I'm fine with acquaintances moving on from each other (I swear there is a much better way to describe that but I can't think of it) but not friends. I'm the type of person who has a lot of acquaintances and few friends.

Jocelyn's definition of Acquaintance: A person whom I can converse with, hang out with but not all the time, lots of fun but not someone I invest too much into spending time with.

Jocelyn's definition of Friend: A person whom I can trust, I confide in, hang out with, joke around and tease with. Time and energy have been spent on this person, there is something in this person that I wish to hang on to.

If that's confusing, don't worry. I'm confused too. It's hard to write it out. I'm still working on that. 

I'm the type of person who when I've invested time and find out that the time was misspent, I feel terrible. I blame myself (not completely, obviously there was another person involved) and I feel dumb for not recognizing that they didn't feel the same sooner.

Grandma's been trying to explain to me that the pain that I've been feeling over the anticipation of this ending friendship (after telling me that I'm overthinking and overdramatizing--yeah I'm making those 2 actual words-everything) is a natural part of life. I'm trying to believe her and to also believe that the pain I'm feeling means that my heart is still working. Sometimes I wonder if it is or not (not literally). Grandma then proceeded to tell me that I am an outgoing person so I'll make new friends soon. Gosh, that makes me feel like I'm back in junior high...yet still applies today.

Girls, if I can offer one piece of advice right now:

Make friends. 

It'll hurt but the hurt shows that you are alive and the hurt makes the good times all the more pleasant. 

Don't hide behind walls for protection.
Believe me, Mom knows what walls are like.

All too well. 

Reach out, let others know that you care and the ones that reciprocate will come to you. 

Life involves people and we can't get along without someone to help us on our way.