See, I told you that I'd write a post for today.
Though to be honest, I'm going to be missing a day or so next week. All day traveling, little to no access to my computer.
Right now I'm sitting in the library. I should have been working on my book (the one I'm writing) but instead I have a stack of LDS fiction next to me, my iPod playing and different articles and pages pulled up online.
I have this song playing right now and to be honest, I want to be dancing to it. Kind of a mix of ballet/contemporary. I love to dance. Dancing provides a release that I can't find in most types of exercise. On a side note, remember how I was going to do yoga everyday? Yeah...that didn't happen. Though who knows, I still have time today.
Back to dance. I loved dance but I didn't always like to practice. I also didn't like how I looked in the mirror compared to the other girls. I couldn't move like they could, I couldn't bend like they could. Maybe...but wishing for what was doesn't help anyone.
I was re-reading the articles, namely this one, this one and that one, that I mentioned yesterday. And doing some thinking of my own. I have come to the conclusion that I am an independent soul. Let me try to explain.
*deep breath, soap box time*
I don't want or need to be around people all the time. Most of the time, but not all the time. Like our family. I love them with all my little heart and I love spending time with them. I'm so grateful that I get to call them my forever family. I couldn't have asked for a better one. But I'm my own person and I need to find my own way. That being said, I know that they are there when I need help, when I stumble and fall (which I tend to do a lot) and when I need a shoulder to cry on. And they know (or I hope they know) that they can reach out to me for help and comfort.
I was thinking of this terms of a future husband aka your dad. A friend had brought up once that he wanted a girl who was super-independent, super-driven, etc., who would understand that he wasn't always going to be around. That's given me a lot to think about. From the way he described his future girl, he's looking more for a live-in assistant than a wife. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with being driven, independent, the whole nine yards. Absolutely nothing wrong. But in my oh-so-professional-opinion, I think he needs to slightly change what he's looking for.
Take me. I'm independent. I like being able to do my thing, to have some sort of control over my life. I always have, even if its not to the extreme that some girls seem to take it. I don't know how independent I am, I'm just me. I don't always hang out with people because I need "me time" and because it's important.
I'm driven. When I went to work for Disney, I wanted to have fun. I'm not going to lie about that. Um excuse me, but free pass to 4 Disney Parks?! Yeah. Sign me up. I also wanted to do networking while I was there. I've learned enough from Grandpa to know that networking helps open doors. So I networked. And I made contacts. I keep in touch with those contacts. Also being back here at school, I've met with advisors, counselors and emailed professors to find out options to get to where I want to go. I know where I want to go and I'm trying to make it happen.
But I want to know that my husband is going to be there for me. That he'll have my back, that if I fall, he'll help pick me up after first sitting next to me and taking some of the pain away. To know I have his support as I try to reach for the stars and that he trusts that I'll always be there for him.
I think if I could have that and that I could do the same for him, well, that would be a pretty darn good marriage in my opinion.
*steps off soap box*
Oh and here's one of my new favorite songs. Yeah, we don't judge. Just acknowledge and accept it.
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