I just finished reading the first habit and started reading the 2nd one this morning when Stephen Covey put forth a challenge. The idea was to picture going to a funeral, thinking of all the details, seeing all the faces and upon reaching the casket seeing the dearly departed: yourself. Then as you sit down and look at the program, 4 people will speak:
- a member of the family, immediate or extended
- a good friend who can give a sense of who you were as a person
- a co-worker or colleague
- a member of your church or community organization
Stephen put forth some questions to really get me thinking. Sorry, I just can't keep up the 2nd person point of view. It's a tad exhausting. He was asking what would I like each speaker to say about me and my life, what kind of wife or mother, what kind daughter, cousin or friend. What character would I want them to have seen, contributions or achievements. And then the big question: What difference would I like to have made in their lives?
He said to take a few minutes to jot down my thoughts and since I talk to you girls the most, I thought I'd share them with you. Plus I think this totally fits what Bishop wanted me to write. So *deep breath* here goes:
It may sound slightly self-centered to speak about so many wants but that's the only way I know how to do so. If I figure out a better way, maybe i'll change it.
I want to be remembered. That is the ultimate desire and my greatest fear. I don't want to be forgotten, I'm terrified of me leaving and no one remembering that I was there, that it didn't matter that I spent some time there. So I want to be remembered. I want people to remember me as a good person, that I loved my family, that I was an equal to my husband (except for the part where Mom is always right and Dad is only there to agree with Mom. I'm pretty sure there's a T-shirt about that), that I raised my kids right and that they know that I love them, that I loved them and supported them (except on game nights when I'm against them. If they lose, they lose. It'll toughen them up I think. Maybe..I hope?)
I want people to know I loved my siblings and my parents, that I honored my parents and that I was good to my siblings even if we had our squabbles in the past. I want my cousins to be proud to call me family, to be honored to say "Jocelyn was my cousin, how cool, how lucky am I to have her for a cousin?", I want my friends to say the same thing. I want my friends to feel like they because "cool by association" because I was in their lives. Okay maybe that was a bit conceited.
So maybe I won't make a tremendous mark on the world, at least not one covering the magazines and newspapers. Did I want that growing up? Sure I did and sometimes I still do. But at the end of my time, maybe it won't be for some contribution to entertainment or academics or anything super well known, but I want the world to know my name. Do you hear me? The world is going to who I am and is going to be sad when I'm gone. But when I picture that, it's not with vigils around the world, it's more that I was a good person and that I changed the world for the better by increasing my "Circle of Influence" (see I totally paid attention to that book!) and so when I'm gone, it won't be that there won't be anyone like me (even though that's totally true. I'm all for individualism), it'll be because I made a difference. I made a difference in the world, one that was for the better. Maybe the entire world won't know my name but as I grow and live and interact with people, I hope to be able to leave light and goodness in my wake.
That my dear ones is what I want. That is what I'd like emphasized at my funeral on that far (very far, near Star Wars opening far)
not quite like this, but you get the point
I think tomorrow I was planning to do my "Personal Mission Statement" so stay tuned, it should be a thriller!
Or not.
Yeah, probably not.
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